Monday, March 9, 2009

Rise above it

Last night, I had a flying dream. Now, I'm a big believer in that a person's subconscious sorts through feelings and expresses them in dreams. Dreams often do have meaning. Sometimes it's just rehashing the day or looking at what's to come, sometimes our brain needs to sort through feelings and we have those dreams that are full of meaning. Now, flying dreams typically mean :
Something is generally going RIGHT in our lives! Occasionally, we may be flying to avoid something, but the flying in and of itself is still an enjoyable dream activity, and the WAY we do it may tell us more about ourselves than the actual flying. (
So how was I flying? Well, from this site, the best description is this:
Flying or Floating at Low Altitudes: Floating just above the ground by flapping your hands or arms or peddling your feet is an indication that you have lots of determination and that no matter how hard it gets, you feel you will succeed if you stay on course. This dream is an indication that relief from any setbacks is imminent.

Hm, interesting, isn't it? In the dream, I was using my arms to fly. Generally, I can agree that I have determination and that set backs aren't going to t get to me. Now, in this dream, I was using my ability to fly in order to "get away" from some annoying people.

Interpreting a dream and figuring out exactly what it means can be difficult. We don't always get the clear cut "Joseph take your family off to Egypt now!" dream. But I think I kinda figured out what this dream meant.

While the annoying people in my dream were recognizable as some people in real life (in most cases) I don't think my dream meant that I'm getting away from those people. Rather, I think those people symbolized, in some way, aspects of myself. That I'm rising above my faults, my vices and trying to really work my way to something higher.

Last night, I had a good talk with my hubby (aren't those always nice?). To me, I've been in one of those spiritual deserts for quite some time. I just don't feel God there, not like I used to when I was in high school or my first year of college. Ever since my sister Celeste died, I've felt that I've been pulled away from God. For a time, even though I believed in the truth of faith and Catholicism, I really questioned it and pulled away interiorly. While I've had a bit of a "reversion" (not that I actually left the church) I still don't feel like I'm all the way there yet. I put my trust in God, yet I don't see the fruits of that (not that I'm promised that or anything). And I guess, I'm just a bit mad at God about that. Right now, I need to feel something. I need to feel healing in my soul. I need to feel His peace and love. And He's not giving it to me!

Yes, I know I sound like a selfish little kid asking for something that, perhaps, I don't even need. But I do have a bit of hope from my dream last night. Hopefully, the things that I'm rising above and working my way over are those things that are hindering me from recognizing how God is working in my life. Maybe, just maybe, with some determination and some strong arm flapping, I can get past my negativity and cynicism and depression and all those other awful things, and get a different view point. The Holy Spirit is often shown as a dove, a bird, someone with the ability to rise above and see the big picture. And hopefully, the Holy Spirit will lift me up and show me the big picture. And I don't need to go that high, low altitudes are ok by me.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Small Successes


So since I'm trying to write more, I guess this is a good "plot bunny" of sorts. I've been reading Kate Wicker's for some time now, and I figure I can participate too! (you know, since I'm 'technically' a mom). So here's my premiere edition of my weekly small successes.

1. Due to my fantastic personality, I'll be getting an hours boost at work. As my manager put it, the cafe supervisor "loves me so much, she's ready to propose". Keep in mind, I met the supervisor today. Yep, I'm just that magnificent.

2. All the clothes in my room are either folded, hung up or in the hamper. This is a huge accomplishment. Granted, Chris helped a GREAT deal, but I did have to sort through things and put some stuff away (but he did do most of it, I'll admit it).

3. I had a confrontational "conversation" with Chris and it did not involve either of us freaking out, crying and running into another room. So maybe I am getting better at communicating my frustrations to him in a loving, godly wife manner. I figure I have my whole life to practice, but it's good to make some progress (I figure I'll be less stressed if I get it sooner rather than later).

More small successes at Faith and Family Live!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Just like my mommy

Well, at least when it comes to writing and wanting to write and never finding time to write (she's better at that last one than I am). I think the majority of posts on this blog have been of the "Sorry I don't update!' variety, but that's okay. I will try to do better.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant now! HOLY MOLY. That means, if you recall that there are 40 weeks in pregnancy, that I am just 9 (yes, you read that right, NINE) short weeks away from my due date. It's amazing how fast everything has gone. And you know, my belly is just huge. That's pretty crazy too.

I've been thinking about how my mind feels like it's getting stagnant. I miss being in school because I was pretty much forced to be intellectual. If I want to be "smart" now, I have to make myself do it. So, basically, I want to kick myself in the butt and push myself and really keep expanding my mind. Or something like that.

So in this whole journey of the mind, I've pretty much decided that I want to be writing. But, as I said in my Facebook "25 Random Things About Me" note, I just don't know what to write! I know all sorts of things, I suppose, but I don't want to just write something cause I know it. I mean, I could write faith things, or theater things, or a memoir. I could just write in this blog (that probably wouldn't be a bad idea, actually). I guess part of my "fear" of starting a project is my habitual procrastination/laziness/forgetfulness combined with a feeling that I'm just not qualified. It's like, Mom can write about being a mom cause she's been doing it for 23 years. I, on the other hand, am a mom, yes, but I have yet to hold my child in my arms, our umbilical connection is the basis for my mom-hood. So I guess I feel that any of my thoughts on motherhood would be looked down on because I don't have enough "experience". Same goes for pretty much any other topic, except perhaps "evangelization through going on message boards and convincing no one of anything I believe in". I've spent a good 6 1/2 years doing that. That's "experience", right?

I guess I just want to do something great, fantastic, phantasmagorical to the average person. I want to leave a mark, tell my story, tell any story. I don't know where to start, and I suppose I should just pick something and start writing it. But there's fear and procrastination. And those two things are much more familiar to me and it's much easier to stay in that comfort zone.

So for now, I suppose I should just start writing about things in this blog. Maybe that will spark some ideas.